i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize