She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize