Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Randomize
