haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
