Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Randomize