I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Randomize
