she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
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