On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
