So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
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