Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
