I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
we should paint friendship bongs
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