im drinking this country out of the recession.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
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