Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Randomize
