3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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