I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
