Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
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