The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
She swung at the pinata with crutches
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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