Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize