Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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