YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
