Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
