I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
