I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Randomize
