I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
