Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Randomize
