You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Randomize
