Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
