he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Randomize
