the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Randomize
