its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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