So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
There are leaves in my underwear?
Randomize
