Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
