Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
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