How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Randomize
