haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Randomize
