I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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