Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
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