Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
