dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
