Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
why do cheetos always look like penises
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
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