i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
