your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Blood and glitter go together right?
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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