You smell like stripper and shame
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Randomize
