To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
