Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
