I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
