i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
