I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize