I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
