There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
