Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
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