I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
