Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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