As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
