I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
