Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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