just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
The beer is more important than you right now.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Randomize
