If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Randomize
