I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
