I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
