You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Randomize
