R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
