Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
