Swine flu. Run for my life!
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
