Girls should come with a carfax report
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
