I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize