My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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