just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
worst night to have a conscience
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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