I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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