i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
so let's talk penis.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Randomize
