Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
