We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
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