apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
