just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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