That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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