i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
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He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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