Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
