i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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