do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Randomize
