Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
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