I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
