Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Last time i carry you out of a forest
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
