Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Randomize
